(NSFW Blog Post) Who Defines Real?

Ownership of Photo is Not Implied

 I read a post last night on PatrickDarcyBooks—totally flippin’ awesome 18+ blog, by the way (link on the right)—that hit a bit close to home. Mr. Darcy’s post stirred up some of my own shit—exactly the kind of thing I enjoy happening. Because, for me, the whole point of surfing the net, reading blogs, checking out pics, listening to music, reading a book is to ‘feel’ something.

I posted a reply on the handsome Dom’s page, but, apparently, even after a good night’s sleep, I’m not quite done, LOL!

I met and had an amazing time with Brenda Cothern at Rainbow Con last month. During one of our many enjoyable conversations, I shared some of my thoughts about feeling ‘out of place’ in the BDSM scene. I’ve also shared many of these same thoughts with various members of the Twitter #posse (even though we haven’t seen as much of one another of late, I still love you guys hugely).

The crux of the matter is I’ve always felt ‘out of place’ upon my brief forays into the scene. Whether that was AOL chat rooms of the past, or much more recent incursions. Indeed, I’ve felt that if I didn’t act a certain way, if I didn’t dress a certain way, if I didn’t address folks a certain way that I was somehow less ‘real’ than everyone else. Yep, the message always seemed perfectly clear: the collared, kneeling boy was somehow ‘more’ than I was because I selected a different path.

My choices don’t define, enhance, or inhibit my innate submissiveness; I am a sub—whether collard or not, standing or kneeling, head held high or eyes cast down—a sub, plain and simple.

One of the many goals in writing Grif’s Toy was to show an example of a relationship where different (but no less real) paths were chosen. In part, it tells the story of a BDSM relationship where the couple(s) not only don’t feel the traditional constraints of such a relationship, but, moreover where they don’t give said external definitions a moment’s thought. Was I successful? Only eventual readers will decide.

One thing I do know, however, is Mr. Darcy’s posts never fail to make me feel—and what could be more fulfilling?

Peace,
JLT

#PleasureThroughDenial

Holiday Weekend

I'm spending time enjoying the art of two of my favorite authors this weekend! Oh so perfect. Woot, woot!

The Devil's Brew by Rhys Ford

Stranger on the Shore by Josh Lanyon
 

Peace,
JLT

Beta Readers Wanted

Hey Guys!

I'm searching for beta readers who'd be willing to offer some feedback. I'm hoping for slightly more than, "It's really good!" or "I really liked it!" (not that those comments are thoroughly appreciated - because they surely are!). If you'd be interested, email me at JLT@JosephLanceTonlet.com with Beta Reader in the subject line.

NOTE: The book's content is pretty heavy on BDSM with humiliation some readers WILL find objectionable.

Sincere thanks!
Peace,
JLT

Blurb located here: http://josephlancetonlet.com/Grifs_Toy.php

Birthday Gifts

#PleasureThroughDenial

Layers of Denial

Today marks the beginning of day seven of this denial 'session'. And unlike yesterday, it's a beautiful day. Beautiful in the sense that I feel good – really good – both physically and emotionally. 

As I continue this new journey of Tease-n-Denial, I seem to be getting better at recognizing the many layers of feelings associated with it. By that I mean I realize that I feel differently from day to day. For instance, yesterday was difficult — no doubt about it. I was in pain, I felt incredibly needy, and even slightly irritable. But, today could not be more different! 

Today is one of those days, I imagine, denialees (is that even a word?) live for. I feel good — really good. I feel different and I don't hurt. In fact, quite opposed to hurting, I instead feel sexy. I'm horny — unquestionably — but I don't feel that incredible urgency...the overwhelming neediness which can overpower everything else. My nuts don't hurt but I’m undoubtably aware of them; they feel full, almost tingly, and I'm constantly and acutely aware that they're there. And my dick is in a constant state of half erection and it feels amazing. I know this feeling. I've felt before...this beautiful, nearly euphoric state of hyper-arousal. Not that yesterday is something I didn’t appreciate experiencing — I did…I do! I’m honestly enjoying ALL the new things I’m feeling. And I’m eternally grateful to Hubby for the opportunity to fully explore this kink.

I've heard other denialees comment about 'the orgasm not being worth it'. Meaning, the 15 or 20 seconds of intense, awesome pleasure of cuming is almost instantly replaced by the feeling that you’ve returned to day one…that you’re starting over. Having never experienced the feelings being referred to I couldn't fully comprehend the gravity, the complexity, or the enormity of that statement. In fact, if I’m being honest, I sorta felt like they were a little nuts. I mean who in their right mind doesn't want to have an orgasm? Now however, I fully understand; after orgasm I return to feeling ‘normal’. When that happens, after days or weeks of denial, I instantly miss the ache in my nuts, the constant yearning for sex, and basically being relatively unaware of my dick again.

However, it's more than just missing the eroticism of denial, it's also about the unforeseen benefits to my relationship that my release affects. I was chatting with my #Posse this morning (man, I love you guys) about this very thing. I’ve come to understand denial makes me a different kind of partner. A better partner, perhaps. I feel more attentive to his needs, more caring about how he feels, and just more present overall. Once I orgasm however, those intense feelings seem to fade right along with the deep longing for sex and ache/buzzing in my nuts.

I’ve also read the first two weeks of denial is the hardest. I’m not quite certain what that means ‘exactly.’ Therefore, I’m left to wonder what (if any) new experiences/feelings I might encounter/enjoy/be challenged by if I were ever to make it past the fourteen day mark - my longest period yet.

Will today, day seven, pass without my release? I don’t know - and I fucking LOVE that. 

I do long to touch myself though…it’s been more than three weeks since I’ve touch my dick in a pleasurable way. That, perhaps more than the release, I miss. BUT, I also love that I’ve been denied that pleasure as well. I’m still sorting out exactly how I feel about it…perhaps, once I do, it’ll be a future post.

Peace,

JLT

#PleasureThroughDenial

Random Thoughts On First Time Feelings

It’s the nearing the middle of day fourteen sans orgasm and I find myself in a rather reflective mood.

@TrinaMaria09, a member of the awesome #polyposse, asked me this morning if this was the longest I’d ever gone without an orgasm - it without question most definitely is. I probably ‘realized’ the pleasure my dick could provide around the time as most guys did - age thirteen or fourteen. I’m now forty-seven and, thus, have been masturbating a good thirty plus years. I’m not an occasional wanker…no, I am (or was) a two-time-a-day dude...and when I was younger it was even more frequent. Again, today is day fourteen and a few months ago that would’ve meant at least 28 orgasms over the same two-week time span. Yeah, this is the longest I've ever gone - ever =)

So, what does it feel like to have sex AND not cum? To satisfy your partner and then try to fall asleep with a raging hardon? To give up that control - something we all hold dear - to someone else for them to toy and play with? In short, it feels amazing.

The longer answer is one I’m still working on - one I’m still figuring and feeling out myself. Aside from being horny ALL THE TIME (i.e. ready to go at the slightest of touches), I do feel different. I feel somehow more docile, more loving, more cuddly, and more amiable - if you can believe that. I’ve been told in the past that I can be perceived as ‘hard’ or ‘callous’ - which couldn’t be further from who I actually am. However, if I’ve noticed a change in the way I feel, then I would think hubby has noticed as well. Tomorrow is our weekly ‘sex talk’ where we’ve begun to share how we feel about our new sexual ‘play.’ On my list (yes, I do make lists - I’m fucking anal - LOL) of things I’d like to talk about is if he’s noticed the change or if it's simply an unnoticeable feeling I'm experiencing.

I read an interesting article today on Huffington Post about the mental affects of S&M and how those engaged in it had their brain-blood-flow-patters altered while at play. Sadomasochism is certainly something I enjoy and SPH certainly falls into that category. However, it makes me curious if there have been similar studies done on orgasm denial. Is what I’m feeling ‘normal’ under these conditions? Do denied guys (and gals) become nicer, more accommodating, more thoughtful partners? Something else to Google at some point =)

And of course there’s the sexual feelings as well. Hubby woke me up last night specifically for a blowjob - something he hasn’t done in years. (Partly, I assume, because we maintain separate bedrooms.) I like that he felt comfortable enough with his new ‘role’ to do so. Perhaps that’s in part due to my orgasm being withdrawn/not a given. When my orgasm is removed from our sexual relationship equation then the vast majority of our sex becomes about him - about his pleasure - about his cock. Not that he doesn’t give me pleasure - he certainly does - but it’s at his discretion and not a reciprocal sort of thing; I feel physical pleasure when he decides. In the most of bizarre of ways, that knowledge alone gives me a tremendous amount of psychological pleasure - and makes my cock ache in desire and need. And of course, this all fulfills my deep desire to 'serve'...but that’s for another post.

Day fourteen and I’m relatively sure I’ll be granted an orgasm either tonight or tomorrow - and fuck, I’m gonna enjoy it. But there’s also a tiny masochistic part of me that hopes he’ll make me wait another five days until I return from my trip…

I feel amazing and utterly grateful!

Peace,

JLT

#PleasureThroughDenial

You Comfy?

Last night was a quiet one. Hubby spent the latter part of evening watching the National Geographic channel while I was on my iPad (ear-buds in place) listening to Josh Lanyon's latest in the Kickstart Series and playing Words With Friends. Like nearly every night, he was eventually softly snoring in the recliner. When he woke, he looked over at me with a sexy smile, “Let’s go snuggle for a bit.”

I locked the house up and made my way back to his room where he was already in bed. (Of our twenty-seven years together, we’ve had our own bedrooms for nearly twenty. Whoever said having your own bedroom (AND bathroom) makes for a happy marriage was certainly right!)

Like always, we found ourselves with his beautiful dick buried in my eager throat - God, we both love that! We were sort of in a 69 position but each of us laying on our sides. I was sucking, and licking, and playing while he was sloooowly stroking my hard, yearning cock and softly tweaking one of my nipples. I was in heaven - cooing and making needy sounds around his hard dick lodged in my throat. Rather quickly I was to the point of orgasm and I pulled off panting, “May I cum please?” (Sometime last week we’d decided I’d no longer say “Stop” to indicate I was close. Instead, I’d signal him with the afore mentioned question. We both felt the question was more appropriate than the single word - which sounded far too much like a command coming from someone whose decisions in these situations have been relinquished.) However, when his slow stokes didn’t stop, I delightedly thought, “Oh, this is is! I’m finally going to cum! After twelve days of beautiful Tease-n-Denial I’m finally going to be allowed release! YES!”

I pushed my nose into the soft fur of his crotch, brushed my cheek along the length of his shaft, and began breathlessly chanting, “Yes, yes, yes.” The wonderful stoking sensation abruptly ceased and was quickly replaced by the feeling of my nipple and my balls both being caught in a vice. “Ouuuch!” I cried in both pain and utter frustration at the denied orgasm; I'd been SOOO fucking close. Close enough in fact that I was certain sweet, beautiful release was imminent.

“Did I ask you to stop sucking?” came his husky question. The feelings flooding my body made it incredibly difficult to think, but I managed to squeak out, “No,” before plunging back onto his cock. I moaned in pain and pleasure; pain from the continued pressure on my nuts and nipple, and pleasure as his hips began thrusting. He’s told me on many occasion just how hot the noises I involuntarily make when he’s inflicting pain make him - and his thrusting hips were only part of the confirmation. Further proof came as my mouth was flooded by his warm seed.

As we lay snuggled close to one another, in his post-orgasm afterglow, he whispered soft, tender words of affection; “You’re such a handsome Pup,” and “That was really nice,” and “I love you so much.” I breathed in his scent and shifted in a futile attempt to position my hard cock so that it didn’t feel as if it would break off between our pressed bodies. “You comfy,” he asked in a sated voice. “Comfy?” I snorted out playfully. When he looked at me questioningly, I continued with a smile, “I haven’t been 'comfy' in twelve days. My dick is hard as a rock, my nuts ache, and, overall, I feel like a cat on a hot tin roof! No, I’m not comfy!” He laughed, pulled me in closer, kissed me affectionately - but chastely - and said, “But you’re happy, right?” I nodded, “Yes. Very!"

Peace,

JLT

#PleasureThroughDenial

This Morning's Text to Hubby =)

As I snuggled into bed last night, I laid there (with a huge bone) thinking, "We're actually doing this Tease-n-Denial thing." I've read so much about it on the internet...read about SO many people who want this but they're either single or they have partners who aren't interested...but you and I are actually doing it! I can't even begin to tell you how lucky I feel that you're not only willing, but also seem to be enjoying it as well. Honestly, you have my sincere thanks! I love you all the more for giving me this gift! =) 

Peace,

JLT

#PleasureThroughDenial

Awakenings

As of this writing, I’m forty-seven years old and have experienced four major sexual awakenings - or turning points, if you will - in my life. The first was the realization that I was gay during adolescence. The second came nearly two and a half decades later, after I got my nipples pierced and I discovered I enjoyed a certain type of sexual discomfort (pain). Not the type of pain some enjoy which leads to tears, but that rather intent feeling of discomfort where it’s verging on being too much. Where you're not sure how much more you can take. Damn, that feeling shoots straight to my cock and makes me very excited AND very hard. The third came when I realized, after an orgy, that my cock was ‘on the smaller side’ and I enjoyed being ‘taunted’ about it (more commonly known as Small Penis Humiliation (SPH)). The last, and most recent realization, has been Tease-n-Denial.

For years I’ve been intrigued (turned on) by chastity - or, more specifically, male chastity devices. There’s something both truly beautiful about them, and also honestly disturbing. Disturbing because, in my opinion, there isn’t anything more emasculating than taking away a male’s ability to achieve an erection. That, in and of itself, is somehow also what makes it completely HOT as hell. The steal cages - particularly the ones with urethral inserts - damn! The thought of a tube ‘impaling' a guy’s dick - my dick - AND not being able to get hard…well, I find the thought quite arousing to say the least. However, ME actually being ‘caged’ is something which holds rather little appeal - at least not long term caging anyway. A few hours, or a day perhaps, would be interesting, but I can’t see enjoying it for any longer a duration.

Tease-n-Denial: the act of teasing someone (me) to the point of orgasm and then denying said orgasm - now that’s a whole different story. That’s something I could (and have) gotten behind with eagerness and enthusiasm! As I type this blog entry, day nine without release - along with major teasing - is coming to a close. NINE days! Not just nine days without sex or release, but nine days of sex everyday - and occasionally multiple times a day - without a single orgasm…not even the smallest of squirts.

Of course, there’s much more to this than simply not having an orgasm. There’s the also the purely physiological aspect of ‘giving over’ control of one’s orgasm to another person. Someone else now decides if/when you’ll be ‘allowed’ to experience the incomparable joy of release. That relinquishment - at least for a sub like me - is a heady experience all on its own.

Hubby and I had sex this afternoon. Toward the end, I lay on my back while he knelt over me - knees on either side of my head. His beautiful dick was fucking my throat, one of his hands was fucking me with a dildo, while the other worried a sore, tender nipple…it was nearly an out of body experience! Sensations shot through me from everywhere when he said, “stroke your little dick.” With the attention my body was already receiving, it took only a few jerks to be ‘at the edge.’ I dislodged his dick long enough to pant, “Can I cum?” He respond breathlessly, “No,” and shoved his dick back in my throat as I reluctantly let loose of my own. After a few more thrusts, he pulled out, let go of the dildo, and jacked-off across my chest while I bathed his balls with my tongue. After I was sure he was finished, I pressed a kiss to his inner thigh and asked - almost begged - “Can I shoot?” My body felt electrified, my dick was stiff and leaky, and I yearned for sweet release. But not just release - I longed for relief as well; I’ve felt like a live wire for days and in that moment I just wanted to feel the unique and overwhelming relaxation only an orgasm offers. As he swung himself off the bed he replied, “No. Not today. Let me get a towel and we’ll get you cleaned up.” I’ve never been as frustrated or as grateful and satisfied in my life. I called out after his retreating back, “Thank you!" 

Peace,

JLT

#PleasureThroughDenial

The first post of my first blog =)

I guess I should start out with a friendly caveat. Although I’m perfectly capable of using correct grammar, correct punctuation, and correct sentence structure I probably won’t here. To be honest, I really don’t want to put that much thought/effort into it. Creating a work of art isn’t the blog’s purpose; it’s about having fun putting my thoughts to paper and not giving once tiny shit about Personal vs. Reciprocal pronouns. So, for example, I’ll be using dashes interchangeably with em dashes <gasp>, smiley faces, and an extraordinary number of ellipses…and I’m gonna enjoy the hell outta doing it =)

The reason for the blog? That’ll be in the next post. Right now I wanna test actually publishing this one =)

Peace,

JLT